The last two days have reminded me again how little I actually own. I mean most people in this age have a morgage, a good pension plan and a well-building savings account. They have also made the investment on a boat, a car or even on a summerhouse. I have none of the things on the list apart from a savings account which I end up chipping from in great need. I do feel at times that I live out of boxes that can be moved from a place to another but can also be blown away by the wind.
I don't think I stand alone outside of the crowd with my anxiety - you could even say fear - especially towards buying a house. I realise on a rational level that it would have been wise for me to buy an apartment when in Helsinki - let alone in Amsterdam. I mean I have been in this city for 3,5 years which does not count anymore as a short visit. But on the level of action I hesitate. I feel that a morgage creates this massive burden in your life and from then on everything somehow revolves around it. It's like a cage you have locked yourself into. I know this thinking does not make sense and I can push it aside but not wipe off.
Today I visited the new home of a friend of mine on the new islands north of Amsterdam's centre. An apartment of a real adult - and the view- really impressed me. He has the same sort of job as I do and we are of same age. That and the oh so Dutch discussion over housing prices with my colleagues yesterday really made me think whether it is time to grow up and take these kinds of responsibilities seriously. I was reminded by my colleague that an apartment can also be seen from the point of view of investment and it does not have to be the main expression of who you are.
People say that things like your own home, children or a healthy and loving relationship create this peace in your life. I am understanding the sermon due to having the last one of those for the last year. Explorations to the adult world like today make me really ponder whether our generation - people like me - are just scared of making commitments, scared of choosing one over another and therefore oh so restless and anxious. I mean is it an issue of just getting a grip of things?
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