It's an illness, stupid

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Originally uploaded by Emiko Hime.

Oh, modern times. A few years ago this situation would have seemed unreal. I am sitting in the sun at our summer house with my mother's laptop, which has a wireless internet connection. I know that for some people this seems like a nightmare but I like the fact that there is the possibility to check my emails every now and then.

This is my first paid summer holiday. Yes, it took me 28 years. At the beginning it was somewhat difficult to adjust to the concept that I am getting paid for sunbathing on the porch of our new sauna. In the beginning I checked my emails every day. Now it's been a few days. Getting there.

I read yesterday Neil Hardwick's book Hullun lailla (I'm still here - an unsuccesful suicide note). I found it from the summer house. Hardwick is a British playwriter and director who has lived in Finland for a number of years. The novel is about depression.

I read it on one day, which does not happen very often. Hardwick makes a strong statement saying that depression is an illness, not a sign of weakness or lazyness. He also analyses in an interesting manner the reasons that drive you deeper into depression. He states that one falls deeper because of the feeling of losing grip, not really because of the things you lose grip on.

Hardwick is a workaholic and writes how he feels that as a foreigner he has tried to be accepted by doing for instance tv fiction he does not believe in. By being a good boy, not refusing of working but by being humble and grateful for having the chance to work. Rather Lutheran, I would say. Is that succesful integration?

The novel is worth reading. Hardwick is ironic and extremely moving at the same time. It was a great move to read about taking it a bit slower when you are supposed to take it a bit slower.